Why Core Values Matter: A Hard Lesson in Marriage.

A few years ago, I made a post on Facebook, where I talked about shared core values, something you must never ignore when choosing a spouse.

I did mention that the more your core values are shared or align, the better.

Shared core values make communication, conflict resolution, problem solving and decision making easy.

If you are gunning for a long-term, happy and successful marriage, you must not ignore it.

I particularly emphasized on MORALS AND PRINCIPLES. You MUST share morals and principles.

A lady, after reading the post, came to my inbox to tell me that the post came at the right time. That she was about getting married to a man that was the direct opposite of her in core values. Especially on the area of morals and principles.

She on one hand came from a very disciplined, moral and spiritual background.

Her husband-to-be on the other hand, was from the streets where anything goes.

She frowns seriously at lying, fornication, adultery, stealing, murder , oppression and so forth. But the man didn’t see anything wrong with those things.

In fact, the gentleman wasn’t doing badly financially but he was always picking people’s wallets or money on the floor whenever they were strolling. He boasted of how he did it as a child. He would shoplift at superstores, lie more than information ministers in Nigeria and support polygamy and adulterous men and women. He enjoyed watching horror movies and movies that show extreme wickedness, torture, etc.

I took my time to educate her on the dangers of getting married to such a man. That things would get worse and that she’d either live in pains or quit the Marriage later.

I advised her to consider quitting while it was still at courtship stage.

She came with that usual bee’s song: “But I love him so much, what will my friends say? What will people say because they have known us everywhere? He is a very good and nice man”

I told her that the decision was solely hers to make. That I only did my part in advising her.

Few months after that, she sent me a digital invitation card for her wedding. I don’t know how to pretend, hence I didn’t congratulate her.

That was the last I heard from her till a few weeks ago.

She contacted me and started narrating what she’s been through for the past seven years.

Amongst other things;

1—She had become a professional liar in order to protect her husband. He would hide from people and tell her to tell them he was not around. He would be blowing federal lies and would tell people to ask his wife na and she’d be nodding in affirmation while vexing inside. The children have been initiated into the lying kingdom.

2—He constantly shoplifts anytime they go out and had been embarrassed several times.

3—He would return home almost everyday with a new phone and when she asks, he’d tell her that he picked it.

4—She knows how much he earns. But the kind of money he spends is what she cannot explain.

5—Their first son who’s about seven years old has been an embarrassment to her since he was three. Aside from lying more than a former Nigerian federal minister, he can steal Aso Rock villa and even the President and Abuja residents won’t notice. Four schools have expelled him within a very short period of time. He’s well known within their neighbourhood. He was once sent to live with his grandma and his stealing almost led to the grandma’s death.

But the real gbege now, which could be why she came to me again, is that her husband has been at a correctional facility now awaiting trial for almost a year. He worked in a financial institution and had been stealing from customers, dead people and old pensioners. This could be where he got the uncanny money he was spending.

It may be a man on my post or story, but there are women too with a similar or other unpleasant characters. The bottom line is that whether you are a man or woman, if the core values don’t align, consider quitting while you can.